


Arthur Pendragon and the Perfect Servant

by Clea2011



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canon Era, Episode Related, Episode: s04e06 A Servant of Two Masters, Humour, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 09:48:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16365575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clea2011/pseuds/Clea2011
Summary: When Merlin vanished during A Servant of Two Masters, Arthur was given a new manservant.Poor Arthur.  Merlin hadn't succeeded in killing him, but being in George's company for much longer might just do the trick!





	Arthur Pendragon and the Perfect Servant

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tari_Sue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tari_Sue/gifts), [kitty_fic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitty_fic/gifts).



> Written for Canon Fest as a sort of Arthur point of view of the episode 'A servant of two masters'. This isn't what I intended to write when I grabbed the episode but it's what I've done. I blame Wasp and Kitty for coming up with the idea, which I then couldn't get out of my head. It's not betaed so do shout if you see errors. Obviously shout in a kindly manner or I will cry!
> 
> Huge thanks to MK for being so patient with my procrastinating self! Sorry for being so late. Although I am not last... *beams*

Losing Merlin was unbearable.

Arthur had lain awake most of the night going through what had happened in his head. Even when he closed his eyes he could still see the rock fall that had separated his manservant from him.  So he didn’t close his eyes.  Instead he lay staring up at the canopy covering his bed. The one that was probably full of bugs because Merlin never, ever took it down and cleaned it.

Merlin wasn’t dead.  Arthur was not going to accept it.  So what if Agravaine had discovered some piece of rag that looked much like Merlin’s neckerchief?  That didn’t mean anything.  Merlin had more lives than a cat.  Already he had surprised Arthur so many times with his resilience. Arthur was determined to go out and find him. 

He fell asleep, eventually, still brooding.

\---

In the morning Arthur discovered that Merlin had been replaced.

It wasn’t Arthur who had decided to do this, and he was fairly sure that whoever had picked the replacement should be given a day or two in the stocks as repayment.  The new manservant’s name was George, and he was the most efficient servant Arthur had ever met.

It was terrible.

First there had been breakfast.  Not so much breakfast as a massive feast.  All piled up on the tables in Arthur’s room.  Ridiculous.  Merlin would have brought him a largish plate of food and probably eaten half of it himself on the way.  Or stolen bits of it while Arthur was eating.  He’d also have recognised that Arthur was feeling grumpy and would have teased him into a better mood.  Or if that failed he would have left Arthur to it.  George did neither.

“I shall now dress you,” George had announced when it became clear Arthur wasn’t going to touch that mountain of food.  “It is important for a king to be smartly turned out.  I have noticed that on occasion Merlin has failed in this regard.”

Merlin failed in many regards.  It was part of his charm, at least as far as Arthur was concerned.  And while Merlin was missing ( _not_ dead, no matter what Agravaine said) it seemed in poor taste to criticise him.  Besides, that was Arthur’s job.  Arthur was extremely good at it.

“You’ll have to let him know about that when he returns,” Arthur replied.  “Fetch my clothes.  I’ll be spending the day searching for Merlin.”

George gaped at him for a moment in horror, then composed himself sufficiently to give a little bow and then head for the wardrobe. 

There was blessed silence for a few minutes while George dressed Arthur.  It was actually quite an irritating experience.  George fussed and fiddled with all aspects of Arthur’s outfit.  The shirt had to hang just so.  The cuffs had to be neatly tied.  And then the brushing started.

“What are you doing?” Arthur spluttered as George got out a soft brush and started to sweep it over Arthur. 

“Ensuring there is no speck of dust offending the royal personage,” George told him.  “Surely Merlin did this?”

“Merlin doesn’t even know what a brush is!” Arthur exclaimed.  “And if he did I certainly wouldn’t want him sweeping me with it!  Brushes are for the floor!”

George looked indignantly at the little hand brush that he was holding, then back at Arthur.  “This is a clothes brush.  I have other brushes for the floor.  I will be using them whilst your majesty is out riding.  You will return to find your chambers quite spotless.”

It would be pointless to argue with George, Arthur realised.  The easiest thing was to just go along with it.  And he was going to find Merlin, and then all would be right again.

“Excellent,” Arthur managed.  “Very good.”

George frowned at him.  “If I may say so, your majesty, you do not appear to be completely delighted.  Is there some service Merlin performs that I have failed to carry out?”

Yes there was, but Arthur wasn’t going to tell George about _that_.  There was enough gossip around the castle as it was.

“Merlin is more of an… advisor of sorts I suppose.  He amuses me.  It’s helpful.”

Because there would be just no fun in throwing a boot at George.  George would probably thank him, pick it up and clean it for him.  Merlin would have at best thrown it back, at worst given him a long lecture about bullying. 

“Ah, humour,” George smiled.  “I am able to oblige.”

“Really?” Arthur had been considering making a sharp exit, but this new development made him pause.  George did not seem to be the world’s most amusing person.

“I have jokes,” George confirmed proudly.  “Here is an example.  I always knew I’d enjoy a job cleaning mirrors.  It’s something I could see myself doing.”

“Oh gods,” Arthur breathed.  He needed to leave immediately and start looking for Merlin.

“Also, I like polishing brass.  It’s something to reflect on.”

Arthur narrowed his eyes.  “Are you making jokes about brass, George?”

“Yes,” George confirmed proudly.

Arthur wondered what he’d ever done wrong in his life that he deserved this.

“Would you be amused by a dirty joke?”

“Oh yes,” Arthur agreed quickly.  “Please.”

“I have discovered several of these.  Number one – a noble in a white cloak fell into the mud.  Would you like to hear number two, which is dirtier?”

Arthur was fairly sure that he wouldn’t.  Still, Gwen and Merlin were always telling him off if he wasn’t civil to servants.  “Go on.”

“He got to his feet, and then fell over in the mud again.”  George looked terribly pleased with himself.  “Dirtier, you see.”

Arthur saw.  He wished he didn’t.  “Do you practice these, George?”

“Oh yes.  In my spare time I jot down amusing and interesting anecdotes in order to be a successful conversationalist.  For example, did you know that the optimum number of minutes that a brass knob should be polished for is eight?  You should use a soft cloth and some form of cleaning agent.  This was discovered by Bartimus Clory in the reign of King Claudius.”

Arthur could imagine what Merlin would have to say about polishing knobs.  It definitely wouldn’t have anything to do with cleaning.  Gods, he missed Merlin. 

George was now waffling on about cleaning floors. 

“I really must go and resume the search for Merlin,” Arthur said quickly, cutting George off in mid-flow.  “Please take all this food” – he indicated with a sweep of his hand the vast feast of a breakfast that George had brought him – “and distribute it to the poor of Camelot.  And in future one plate of food will suffice for myself or any other noble you happen to be serving.”

And with that he hurried out of his chambers, heading for the courtyard.

Merlin had to be alive.  Arthur couldn’t be left with George for the rest of his life, he just couldn’t.

\---

As if a morning with George wasn’t enough, Gwaine had decided to accompany Arthur on the search for Merlin.  But Gwaine was actually funny, although Arthur would never admit it.  And after George’s company Gwaine was a relief.  Gwaine, after all, didn’t make jokes about brass.

Then they found Merlin.

It was such a relief that Arthur forgot Gwaine was there for a moment and just rushed over to pull Merlin into a relieved hug.  Merlin was covered in mud, but that didn’t matter.  Mostly because Merlin would be the one cleaning both his and Arthur’s clothes.  And Merlin seemed fine.  Sort of.

It was strange that he didn’t kiss Arthur, but then Gwaine was there and perhaps Merlin had finally discovered a bit of discretion.  But it was odd.  Because Merlin was behaving almost as if the two of them were nothing more than friends.

“You got hit on the head?” Arthur checked as they rode back.  “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Never better!” Merlin assured him with a bright, cheesy smile. 

And that was strange too because Arthur had expected Merlin to milk his experience for all it was worth.  Especially getting cut off from Arthur by the rockfall and being in mortal danger.  But no, Merlin was ridiculously cheerful and kept making jokes about Gwaine and his drinking.

Which was a bit much considering how often Merlin himself liked to frequent the tavern.  Gwaine didn’t look too happy about it either after a while. 

“That blow to the head still affecting you there, Merlin?” Gwaine asked at one point. 

“Worried I’ll be thinking down to your level?” Merlin retorted.

And really, that was very rude and unlike Merlin.  Merlin tended to do cheeky and insolent, but never rude.  There was a subtle difference.

“When we get back,” Arthur told him, “I want you to take the rest of the day off so that you can recover.  Well,” he amended quickly, remembering that he’d be stuck with George if Merlin wasn’t there, “perhaps a few hours at least.”

“I’m fine, Arthur,” Merlin assured him.  “I know you’re just dying to have me back at work.”

And really, Merlin refusing an opportunity to have some time off was a major clue that all was not right with the universe.  But Arthur decided to ignore it.  He had to sort out the growing problem back at Camelot of a possible traitor in their midst.  Gaius would take a look at Merlin and then all would be well.  And in the meantime…

In the meantime, Arthur would be stuck with George.

\---

George, of course, was waiting when Arthur got back.

“I hope your majesty had an enjoyable ride with the noble Sir Gwaine?” George enquired.

Arthur decided not to point out that Gwaine wasn’t a noble.  After all, everything was fair and equal in Camelot these days.  “We found Merlin,” he explained instead, watching George’s face fall at the news. 

“That is excellent news, your majesty,” George managed to say.  “But Merlin will be tired.  I will be happy to continue in the role of your manservant until Merlin feels able to resume his duties.”

“Wonderful,” Arthur smiled.  “The stables need cleaning, George.”

“That is the job of the stablehands,” George pointed out.  “I will be pleased to advise them of your majesty’s orders.”

Damn.  Merlin had taken years to suss out that he wasn’t supposed to clean the stables himself.  Arthur frowned, trying to think of something else that would involve George working somewhere other than in Arthur’s vicinity.

“My armour needs polishing.”

“I will get onto it right away.  I have purchased a new cleaning substance which I think will pleasantly surprise you with its lustre and sparkle.  You will believe you have brand new armour.”

“And several of my shirts need mending,” Arthur added quickly.

“I have a new needle that…”

 “Thank you, George, that will be all,” Arthur interrupted before he could hear about the amazing new needle too.

“And your lunch?”

“Not a problem.  I passed Gwen on the way up here.  She’s kindly agreed to serve it.  So, all arranged.”

George looked as if he was going to say something else.

“Off you go,” Arthur added.

George gave a deep and respectful bow, then hurried away.

Arthur breathed a sigh of relief.  George was going to be the death of him.  Of course, he then needed to find Gwen and ask her if she would please bring him some lunch…

\---

Merlin was behaving very strangely.

Arthur hoped he hadn’t run into George and was concerned about his job as a result, because there really was no need.  And being rude to sweet Gwen just for bringing Arthur his lunch was really very ungallant of him. 

Gwen had smiled kindly at Arthur and promised to speak to Gaius.  Because Merlin had always adored Gwen and was far more likely to do anything he could to make her happy than to snap at her. 

It had to be George.  Merlin was worried about being replaced.  But there was no chance of that happening because honestly, George would never be able to do the things that Merlin did for Arthur.  Arthur resolved to make this clear to Merlin as soon as the man recovered from his strop and came back to Arthur. 

But first there was the problem of the traitor at Camelot to deal with.  Arthur hated being king sometimes, he really did. 

\---

Bathtime was Arthur’s favourite part of the day.

He’d been looking forward to it ever since Merlin had returned.  Merlin appeared to be fully recovered and perfectly capable of drawing a bath for them to share. As a good king, Arthur liked to ensure that Merlin kept clean as well, so it was only natural for the pair of them to share the bathtub.  Also it made it easier for Merlin to wash Arthur.  All very efficient.  George would be proud.

Except George was not coming anywhere near that bathtub.

George had been in that morning, just checking that Arthur didn’t need anything because Merlin was after all still recovering and George didn’t want Merlin to over-exert himself.  Arthur had found a crossbow in his room earlier, which was bizarre, but he’d sent George off to return it to the armoury.  It looked like the one Sir Leon was always enthusing over.  Most likely Leon had brought it along for Arthur’s protection just in case the traitor turned out to be an assassin as well.  Quite why it was lying on the floor of Arthur’s closet was a mystery though.

Merlin was in a very good mood.  He greeted Arthur cheerily as he hauled in bucket after bucket of water.  Normally Merlin got quite grumpy after the fifth or sixth bucketload but not that day.  Doubtless he’d missed their bathtimes as much as Arthur had and couldn’t wait to jump in.

“I’ll just get ready then, shall I?” Arthur asked as the tub filled up.  There was a lot of steam rising from it, as well as a scent that Arthur couldn’t quite place.  Probably an aphrodisiac or something.  Nice.

“Go ahead.  I’m nearly done,” Merlin told him happily.

Merlin was actually humming to himself while working.  Arthur hurried behind the screen (which was totally unnecessary because it wasn’t as if Merlin hadn’t seen it all hundreds of times before) and eagerly stripped off.  It had been nearly a week since they’d last bathed or anything else, and Arthur was eager.

So eager, in fact, that he didn’t hear Gwen and Gaius come in. 

Arthur would always recall that day as one of the most mortifying of his life.  True, he’d covered himself with his hands and then a cushion with almost superhuman speed.  But that didn’t change the fact that both Gwen and Gaius had seen the crown jewels on display and very obviously ready for action. 

“You’re not Merlin!” he told them.  As if they didn’t know.  They both looked horribly guilty about something.  And Merlin, infuriatingly, had vanished.

\---

George had returned.

Gwen and Gaius had refused to let Arthur anywhere near the delicious-smelling steaming bath that Merlin had prepared. 

“There was something in the soap,” Gwen told him.

“It made Merlin quite sick,” Gaius confirmed.  “I need to neutralise the effects before the tub is emptied.  Please would you vacate the room, Sire.”

“I really wanted a bath,” Arthur protested.

And that was when George appeared with the mended clothes.  Unfortunately he’d heard Arthur.

“Your majesty, I will be honoured to bathe you.”

“In a different room please, George,” Gaius instructed.  “That would be very helpful.”

Sadly, Arthur went back behind the screen and put his clothes on. 

“Will Merlin be back later?” he called to Gaius. 

There was a long pause.  “Er… no, Sire,” Gaius replied.  It sounded very much as if Gaius was hiding something and being far too careful with his reply.  “He’s unwell, horribly messy.  Allergy to the soap I think.”

Merlin had seemed fine when he was filling the bath.  Happy, in fact.  Singing.  And then he’d been sick, apparently.  Merriment and vomiting… Arthur had his suspicions exactly what was wrong with Merlin.  It was probably Gwaine’s fault. 

“He’s in the tavern, isn’t he?”

Gaius didn’t reply, and when Arthur came out from behind the screen there was only George standing there.

“The physician hurried off,” George reported.  “He is quite elderly.  Perhaps he did not hear you.”

Arthur had no doubt that Gaius had heard him perfectly well.

Definitely the tavern.

“If your majesty would accompany me to the guest rooms, I have taken the liberty of having the lesser servants bring up fresh water.  Your bath will be ready shortly.”

“Thank you, George,” Arthur managed. 

“It is my honour, Sire.  Also you will be pleased to hear that I have refreshed and revised my notes on amusing conversation.  I shall endeavour to entertain and delight you throughout your bath.”

Arthur’s heart sank.  Merlin was going to pay for this, he swore.

“First, I will amuse you with another of my dirty jokes.  A nobleman fell into a cesspit…”

\---

Merlin did not return that day, or the next.

This time, however, Arthur knew where he was.  Gaius was absolutely hopeless at lying to cover for his ward.  Usually Merlin returned after a few hours but on this occasion…

“ _Two whole days_ in the tavern?” Arthur asked when Merlin finally made an appearance.  By then Arthur had been driven half-insane with George’s horrible non-jokes and infuriatingly obsequious manner.   

Merlin, as usual, had nothing to say in his defence.  Strangely he actually seemed more sober than he had on returning from his absence earlier in the week.  Perhaps he was recovering from the blow to the head properly now.  Or perhaps he had been drunk all along.

“This is George,” Arthur explained, introducing the perfect yet super-annoying servant.  “George is, perhaps, the most efficient servant I’ve ever seen. He’ll be spending the rest of the week teaching you.”

Merlin was very obviously trying not to show how displeased he was about this.  But George was eagerly listing the tasks that he would be teaching Merlin.  Polishing, apparently, would be first.  Merlin’s face was a picture and it was all Arthur could do not to roar with laughter.  Arthur very much doubted that there would be an improvement in Merlin’s service, but that didn’t matter.  Thanks to Merlin, Arthur had been forced to endure George for far longer than anyone should have to. 

He watched Merlin following George out.  But Merlin paused at the door, then turned back to ask Arthur a question.

“Tell me something…”

Arthur permitted himself a little smile, then tried very hard to look serious when facing Merlin.

“If he’s so good, why don’t you just give him the job?”

Well, for one thing, Merlin had certain talents and abilities that George probably didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of bettering.  Especially at bath time.  Nor would Arthur want George or anyone else to try.  But Arthur wasn’t going to tell Merlin that.

“He’s seriously boring.  I’ve never met anyone so dull.  The man makes jokes about brass!”

Merlin’s frown deepened, and he looked as if he were likely to start asking more questions.  Arthur didn’t think he’d be able to control his urge to laugh if Merlin stood there any longer, so he gave his servant a little push.  “Anyway, off you go.  It’ll be fun!” he smiled.

Merlin’s frown morphed into a smile that definitely did not reach his eyes.  Arthur had a feeling that he would need to watch out in the coming weeks because Merlin would surely get him back for this one.

Arthur could hear George’s voice in the next room.  “I will also teach you my witty sayings which have enchanted and pleasured the king in your absence.”

“Oh good,” he heard Merlin reply unenthusiastically. 

Arthur smiled to himself.  Perhaps, later, he’d make it up to Merlin. 

“A nobleman fell into a cesspit and was very dirty…”

Or perhaps not.  Arthur had suffered horribly, after all. 

“… and then he fell over again.”

It definitely served Merlin right. 

Still smiling, Arthur headed off to find something kingly to do.  Anything at all rather than listen to one of George’s ‘jokes’ again…


End file.
